Sunday, August 15, 2010


I knew what happened,it'd happened before. But this time was really fucked- like more fucked than if you wound up in jail wired off your ass on speed and you knew you were gonna do some time fucked. I went to sleep after a night of fucking it up in NYC on tour with Black Breath on the way to Cleveland,just like the days and nights before on the trip- little hungover,a couple hours damage,nothing coffee and mart food wasnt gonna take care of. This time,though,I woke up with arms holding me up,voices I couldnt place,asking me questions I had only half babbled answers to,that sour sulphur taste of blood in my mouth. My tongue hurt like hell and felt like it'd been sliced up with a hunk of rusty tin and stuffed back into my mouth. I was in some painful,helpless void- I'd just had a fucking grand mal seizure in my sleep. If youve never woken up from a seizure,it sucks. I bit my tongue so bad there was blood on my shirt,my whole body felt sour,I had no sense of where the fuck I was,and my poor friends had to deal with it the first day proper of their tour with Converge. I wound up in a Pennsylvania hospital in the ICU because they realized I had a serious heart problem going on too. Fuck me. 5 days in that damn hospital. I rode a greyhound bus across america back to california right away,I didnt wanna go back to Seattle after that,Seattle was all gloomy and fucked up in May and I just wanted to be around people I knew for a while. During that bus ride,a bus driver yelled at me for telling someone Id just gotten out of the hospital and to "keep my problems to myself" or he'd call the cops and have me arrested- I confronted the little pockmarked feeble man and he quickly changed his stupid tune-5 young rap guys gangbanged a couple chicks that just walked on the bus on hour before in the seats behind me,and another bus driver threatened to throw me off the bus because I didnt want to eat at McDonalds and asked could I go across the street to Taco Bell. The point of this? It really reminded me of the shit people go through on the road,and that a real good time can quickly turn into a "what the fuck do we do now?" situation really quick. A month before,one of my favorite bands,Ludicra,dealt with some even harsher shit when their guitarist ruptured his appendix the second day into their tour for their seriously amazing album "The Tenant". Anyone who knows me knows that I pretty much blow a nut for Ludicra. And so I guess,I can just relate is what I was getting at. Go buy Ludicra albums,see them play,whatever. I listened to this song when I got outta the hospital and it made that goofy bus ride and having a goddamn seizure not so bad. They charged me 24,000 dollars for 5 days in that narrow rented tomb. When I got out of the hospital an old mean pimply bus driver called me a fag.